Beberapa waktu lalu saat sedang marak ribut2 soal numpang latihan perang2an antara dua negara bertetangga, suatu sore saya berbincang dengan seorang uncle tetangga sebelah rumah.
Yah.. namanya juga tinggal di rusun. Wajar kalau sering bertemu muka.
Setelah ngobrol ngalor-ngidul, si uncle ini tiba2 bilang:
"Negara saya ini makmur tapi kecil. Karena itulah kami selalu kena bully oleh negara kamu. Karena negara saya ini kecil."
(wah, apaan nih..) pikir saya.
Usut punya usut ternyata beliau mengikuti perkembangan soal perjanjian buat main perang2an antara dua negara tetanggaan ini. Hehehe..
Saya agak malas sebetulnya meladeni. Tapi berhubung si uncle nembak terus pakai mitraliur terpaksalah... putar otak buat jawab biar "kena".
"Wah am so sorry, Uncle. I dont really follow the political situation."
Ada barang 2-3 menit setelah itu kami larut dalam diam.
Saya mau cerita nih.. sekalian tanya pendapat, Uncle.
Misalnya uncle punya anak, anak uncle ini bandelnya setengah mati. Sementara uncle sendiri tidaklah seberapa makmur untuk menggaji pembantu mengawasi anak ini.
Suatu hari anak ini mencuri uang uncle, lumayan besar sampai hampir bangkrut uncle dibuatnya. Uncle belum tahu nih.. bagaimana kok bisa hilang itu uang, cuma uncle tahu si anak inilah yg mencuri.
Sebelum uncle sempat berbuat apa2, anak ini lari. Kabur.
Ke rumah saya. Saya tahu dia sedang uncle cari dan dia kabur setelah berbuat nakal di rumahnya.
Now, what do you say when..
a) Instead of telling you that he's in my house, I welcome him with open arms and offer him one of my room to stay.
As long as you be my "permanent resident" and "pay the rent", I said to him.
b) I know he brings a lot sum of money, so I offer him a joint cooperation. You may open your business here, I have a very relaxed policy on setting up business in my house front yard.
As long as you pay the tax, I'll let you do it.
c) When he has difficulties selling the products, I help him by selling those products --produced using your stolen money, Uncle -- to YOU. His father, the real owner of the money.
Well, I have a cart business in front of my house anyway, it makes things simple.
So, Without much sweat I managed to get some profit by selling things made from your stolen money to you.
d) After several months, you find out that your son--the criminal-- is hiding in my place.
Alive, sound and wealthy -- Thanks to my assistance.
But you cant do anything to bring him back by force -- Eventhough you're older but you're not as powerful as I am and I made you "owe" so much to me by always lending hands whenever you got struck by a typhoon or whenever your house got earthquake etc. So you come to me, appealing to have him back.
e) Instead of handing him over to you, I require you a condition to have him back.
First, he must be convicted as criminal (who am I to ask this?? but you cant do anything, can you? You need me.)
Second, in exchange for my 'assistance' you must let me in to your house and provide a designated area for me to do my own things.
Such as.. practising my shotgun, bomb training for my self defence, and doing my smackdown activities there. Every month at 15 days each.
Oh ya, you must also let me bring my other friends to practise our figthing skill. Dont worry, I'll help you fight fires in your garden in addition.
Saya berhenti sebentar. Tarik nafas dulu...
Now, Uncle. Let me ask you..
If All those really happened, will you not be angry to me for this?
Si Uncle diam. Mikir dia kayaknya...
"Uncle, that's how my country--my people feels. That's what we have in mind when your country requires so many things in exchange just to return OUR OWN people who do harm to us, OUR OWN people who steal from us."
"Now, after all this conversation... Do you still consider my country bullying yours?"
Tumasik, 13 July 2007.
*Just a fiction. Nothing's real.